Nathan got a job.

And he starts today. Making pretty good money. And I am happy. And so is he.

I am at a point now where I am totally incapable of being happy for other people. Almost ever. And I feel bad about it, and I wish I could change it, but I can’t. I am entering month…17 of Nathan’s unemployment*, being constantly unsure of what tomorrow will bring or where I will live or anything and I am sad. I am stressed. I am losing my hair. For real. I am not sleeping very much at all. I ache all over all the time. I am so tired.

I am bitter, and I get angry when good things happen to you. It’s really pathetic, but it’s true. I am so bitter that I get angry when good things happen to you. That is who I am right now. I don’t like me. Other people seem to be slowing walking away as well and I don’t blame them.


*I am aware it is also happening to him, and I deal with that on the daily. I am taking 5 minutes to talk about just me. OK? OK.

I am having ISSUES with my Girls Aloud boxed set.
The videos? MISSING.
I am trying not to set something on fire I am so PISSED.

I'm am in fact, not dead. So...that's good news I guess.
That's about all the good news I have though.
My husband is hitting month six of unemployment. So.
Yeah. I'm not dead.

And we have a baby.

I don't have the details yet BECAUSE I WASN'T THERE, but from what I gather she stopped at the Drs office on a lark, and someone broke her water for her.

She called all day yesterday. The nurses weren't answering the phone.
WHAT IS GOING ON?

When my sister had her first baby, Seth, he was really, really big. The Dr. apologized for not noticing. There was a lot of damage.

So for Zane, she found a Dr who would induce early if he was too big. And he was, and the Dr did, and it was smooth and I was there and it was beautiful and one of the top 3 experiences of my entire life.

So when she got pregnant with Quinn, she went to a Dr (3rd baby, 3rd city) and said “I have big babies, I need an early induction, if you can’t get on board with that, let me know and I’ll find another Dr.” And the Dr said “Oh no, I can, big babies are dangerous for both mother and child”

ACES. We have a Dr.

So she was scheduled for last Wednesday. I take off work and fly down. Her husband takes off work. Tuesday they tell her to call at 5:30 AM Wednesday AM, because it looks like they might be full.

Um, what? We have an appointment. We have a medical need.

So we call at 5:30 AM. They are full. Call back at 7.
10.
12.
2.

Keep in mind that she is pregnant, and CAN’T EAT while she waits.

Late in the afternoon we are told call Thursday.

Thursday goes just like Wednesday.
5:30.
7.
10.
12.
2.

Friday?
SAME THING.

Only FRIDAY they tell her that not only can they not see her today, 3 days after she was scheduled, but they don’t do inductions on the weekend AND her Dr is out of town next week ON VACATION, so she is rescheduled for the 24th. A day after her natural due date.

So.


A. We were going to induce for the safety of the child and mother, but now that you have to GO ON VACATION, it’s not necessary? How does that makes sense to you Dr.? Why can’t you have a pal do it? Are there no other Drs in Houston?
B. I have a job I have to go back to, AND I have already spent what I can’t REALLY afford on plane fare.
C. I am not having children, so this was pretttttty much my last opportunity at experiencing the miracle of childbirth, and I missed it. I am not sure I know any one else who would allow me to be in the room for that.
D. MY SISTER IS MISERABLE. The baby is huge, she thinks Quinn has slowed down and is not moving as much which is BAD.
E. She doesn’t have an appointment this week for Dr visit, like she SHOULD, because the Dr. IS ON VACATION.
F. I’m livid.


The end.

My mom's dog stole Bitty's bag of Pupperoni treats and took them under a bed and ate them all when we were home for Christmas. She sent him a package with a bag of Greenies and Pupperonis with this note last week.

Should I

a. do my hair just like it is now
b. go a little more copper/natural
c. go back to dark brown

I feel like the red looks prettier in photos than it does in real life.
IDK, IDK. What do you think?


Dark Brown:




Red:

So about 2 and a half weeks ago I got an e-mail that they needed a secretary at First Baptist Dallas. And normally I would have been very…you know…not for me thanks. But I’ve been jobless since November 3rd and Nate has been jobless since early December and well…I was desperate. So I submitted my resume. And they called. And I interviewed a couple times.

At first, I thought it might be OK. But then the guy asked some questions I was less than comfortable with (Like why we decided not to have kids) and he prefaced them by saying “I’m going to ask you a personal question and you don’t have to answer” but the thing is, it’s ILLEGAL to ask me that sir. And also VERY RUDE.

Anyway. Also he asked me if I facebooked and then I was like nervous someone would put up a picture of me having like a beer at a bar and I lose my job? You know? Or what if Erin puts up a pic of us dancing? And you know how Baptists are? So I was really uncomfortable with the idea of working there and whatnot. So.

Wednesday I got a call from a recruiter who had pulled my resume off like career builder or something. She wanted to see me Thursday at 2 PM. And I was supposed to go to FBC on Thursday AM to meet HR. They said they would “call me first thing in the AM. But at like 10 AM they still had not called. So I called them and said you know “I was under the impression that we were going to meet this AM, and I have appointments this afternoon so if we are going to meet today it needs to be really soon” and they had to call me back. And they said OK, let’s just meet Monday AM. And we ARE going to offer you the job, for sure.So OK. So I go to the recruiter. And seriously? She is a JERK. She tells me what to wear, what to say, what not to say…she makes me feel like I am a moron, and I am so confused as to why she even called if she doesn’t want to to go down there and interview as myself. I left there feeling horrid.

I had an interview with the actual company Friday at 1 PM. I really really liked the girl I would be supporting. She’s the Director of Operations and I have supported someone in that position elsewhere. Also she is taking Maternity leave soonish, and she needs someone to replace her when she goes and she wants it to be her assistant. So I really get a good feeling about this job, and it is like 15 minutes from my house TOPS. And it sounds great, and I really want it. So naturally I leave there and go out to my car and cry. Lol.

But less than an hour later the agency called and said she hired me and I start Monday. It’s temp to hire for a few weeks because she has been burned a couple times and she’s nervous, but I really think I can be what she needs. I’m a LITTLE nervous my Excel skills will not be up to her standard (I made a 97% on the freaking test but you know, whatever). PLUS, I can be myself. So.

Yeah. That’s what’s up.

Nathan still needs a job. So don’t stop thinking about us just yet,

Hey.

I miss you. I still read. I just never go anywhere or do anything or have any good news. So. You know.

XOXO

Nathan got laid off yesterday. So now neither of us has a job. So. Yeah. I don't really have much to add to that.

I bought tickets for the show yesterday too. I used Christmas money from my mom.

I called my mom to say "Thanks for the Britney ticket".
She said "Oh NOOOOO, she's so trashy!"
and I said "but it made me happy"
and she said "well it's your money...I'm just glad she's well enough to perform again..."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"I'm just glad she's well enough to perform again..."

Yesterday I got an offer for temp work. But I turned it down because…

1. I CANNOT figure out how it would impact my unemployment. It would be 40 hours a week and don’t want to shoot myself in the foot and lose my unemployment. I earned it.
2. Also it was making phone calls. 8 hours a day. For not much money.
3. It was in Irving. And I promised myself I would try and find something closer to home. I don’t want to do an hour there and an hour back to make phone calls all day.
4. It’s hard to find a real job working 40 hours a week.

So yeah. I didn’t take it. Maybe that was stupid. I don’t know yet..


oh. P.S. go buy something (unless you already have and even then, what could it hurt?)
www.LoveErinDesigns.etsy.com

I was doing OK there for a while, and I was honestly starting to believe people when they said things like “it’s for the best” and “something great will come of this”.

And then I got the letter explaining my COBRA costs. And I realized that that’s all a bunch of crap. You know what will come of this? I will take another dead end job that I don’t like. And the truth is last time I was lucky and I at least liked the people. This time I probably won’t even get that. And I’ll be underpaid and unhappy Just. Like. Always.

LoveErinDesigns.etsy.com

feel free to BUY something. :)

YES. AGAIN.


I don't really have much more to add. This is the THIRD time I've been laid off right before Thanksgiving.

Give me a few days to wallow in self pity, and then I'll decide where to go from here. E-mails are fine, but I probably won't answer the phone or door today. Or maybe tomorrow.

Love you guys.

Sometimes I make something. And then I look at it, and I think, "I am SO TALENTED." And you know WHAT?


It's TRUE.

OH MY GOSH.

Alannh put this in her Good Reads and I pre-ordered it as soon as I saw. I knew it was coming out, but I thought it would be really expensive.

So excited...


"Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen, known around the world for their individual, unique style have emerged as two of our shared culture’s most influential women. In the pages of Influence, Ashley and Mary-Kate take readers on a journey through their celebrated young lives, pausing to reflect on what has helped shape them into who they are today.
Influence will be filled with never-before-seen photographs from Ashley and Mary-Kate’s private collections, pages of original material by Ashley and Mary-Kate, and interviews with some of the most influential tastemakers in the world. Internationally famous photographer Rankin shot the cover image and many interior shots. The book is designed by renowned book-designer Rodrigo Corral and edited by fashion and arts writer Derek Blasberg.

Influence has 4 major sections: Fashion, Environment, Art and Giving Back, as well as an introduction and conclusion. This category-breaking book will show that with an open mind and a little bit of curiosity, everyone can have INFLUENCE."

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159514210X?ie=UTF8&tag=httpwwwgoodco-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=159514210X&SubscriptionId=1MGPYB6YW3HWK55XCGG2

1. Favorite object in your room?
There is the face, that Nathan made with a bunch on parts of different models faces from a fashion magazine, and he wrapped my Christmas gift in paper and placed this collage on top, and when I unwrapped the gift, I was carful not to tear the face he made, and I’ve framed it. Even when we were split up, I kept it on my bedside table. I just really love it. For it’s artistic value as well as for the time spent on it.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
No. What on earth?


3. Do you own guns?
Of course not.

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
I like a Fancy Sprite. Which is Sprite with cherry and vanilla.


5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Heart-stoppingly so.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I love them, but only Hebrew National. God’s chosen Hot Dog you know.

7. Favorite song?
Viva Forever- Spice Girls

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Well…Red Bull or Starbucks vanilla cappachino. I mean, I prefer DIET red bull, but I have read a lot of really horrid things about it making your blood sludgy and that scared me into drinking regular.

9. Can you do push ups?
I CAN do them, but I’m with Jess. Probably not going to.

10. Can you do a chin up?
Yes. I would bet money that I can. Do ONE.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelery?
My diamond Tiffany stack ring. AKA my wedding band.

12. Do you like blue cheese?
YES.

13. Ever been in a car wreck?
Several. 99% of them my fault.

14. What's your middle name?
Dyan. You knew this.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment...
Lunch. Soon. Yay.
Danael at lunch, Yay Yay!~
Donna is calling me, best go see what she needs (nothing really)

16. Name 3 things you bought recently...
Second hand dress
A necklace from Haute Hardware
Jewelry making supplies

17. Name 3 things you normally drink?
Red Bull
Diet Coke
Diet Green Tea

18. Current worry?
Money

19. Current hate right now?
Money problems

20. How did you bring in the New Year?
You know? I don’t remember.

21. Where would you like to be right now?
Honestly? At home. I like being home.

22. Name 3 people who will fill this out?
Kelly, Laurie, Autumn

23. Do you own slippers?
Yes, they are made of Sock Monkey

24. What shirt are you wearing?
A dress, as per usual M-F.

25. Do you sleep on satin sheets?
hahahaha. No, BUT to be fair, I have always wanted to.

26. Can you whistle?
YES. Last Friday I whistled “On Wisconsin”, pretty much all the way through while the flutes practiced. I did pretty good.

27. What is in your CD player?
“Slammed” by Nick Hornsby read by Nicholas Hoult.

28. Would you be a pirate?
No.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't sing in the shower.

30. Favorite girl's name?
Zoe

31. Favorite boy's name?
Tex Ray

32. What's in your pocket?
Nothing.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
E saying her dress came from “some trampy teen store” on wardrobe remix

34. Best bed sheets as a child?
They were just old sheets.

35. Worst injury you've ever had?
KINDNEY STONE. It counts.

36. Do you love where you live?
I love Dallas, but not the house we live in.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house?
2.

38. Who is your loudest friend?
I dunno!~ I don’t really get on with super loud people very well I don’t think…

39. How many dogs do you have?
Just one. He’s plenty.

40. Does someone have a crush on you?
I have no idea.

41. What is your favorite book?
The Time Traveler’s Wife. I have hardcover, paperback, CD and cassette tape versions.

42. What is your favorite candy?
NERDS.

43. Favorite Sports Team?
No thanks

44. Where is the next place you want to travel to?
LAS VEGAS.  Now please?

45. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
SLEEPING.

46. What was the first thing you did this morning?
Shower. UGH.